Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Kristen’s Legacy: Above All, Be Yourself
Note from C2R: Last week we introduced you to two of our new authors, and this week we’re very excited to introduce you to the other one. Shopgrrl has been a long-time member of our forum and came to our attention because all of her posts are full of win. She did not disappoint with her first blog offering. In fact, it’s spectacular. In her not-so-free time she’s a lawyer, and you can follow her on twitter @Shopgrrl81
“I get why all the girls love Kristen Stewart, and I respect it. But why don’t they love, say, Natalie Portman even more? Maybe I’m just old.” ~Scott Weinberg
When I read that tweet my first thought was no you don’t, because there isn’t one reason “all the girls love Kristen Stewart.” There are some who will forever love Bella Swan or an indie queen. Others will love the punk princess who was too busy cutting her hair in a shaggy mullet to pay attention to a major studio pushing even more money in her direction. And still others will love her for the boy Kristen has in love with her. For me though, I love that Kristen is giving a voice to girls who don’t fit the media driven idea of what it means to be a woman.
Painfully shy. Introverted. More comfortable with her books. Nerd on her best day and a geek on her worst. Competitive. Driven. Loves the rush of winning. “Smile you’re such a pretty girl.” Tough. Stubborn. All of those words have either been said about me, to me, or how I would describe myself. Needless to say, finding women in the entertainment industry that I identified with has never been the easiest thing to do. There have been actresses I have liked who lived their truth, took their hits, but did so quietly. But few who boldly, almost brazenly walked through the fire of criticism that comes with being “different”.
The first time I truly became aware of Kristen, and not just a character she was playing, was in the most unholy of locations….. Letterman. I’m talking old school Letterman. Yes, Twilight Kristen and Letterman. For most people that interview is a painfully awkward experience. For me it is comfort, because at eighteen years old I would have responded in the exact same way. Throughout the interview Kristen perfectly displayed my teenage girl mantra of having so much to say but also feeling the discomfort of who would want to listen to my mundane thoughts. The problem is that isn’t what the majority of Hollywood reflects back at the girls drinking in popular culture. They present remarkably attractive girls who seem to have high jumped the awkward puberty stage into incredibly poised, if rather coached, adulthood. These Hollywood stamped with approval girls are not only perfectly put together but they seem comfortable with their sexuality, feelings, the attention, and anything else that is thrown at them. They rarely complain but smile and keep any discomfort they may be feeling about the situation to themselves.
Not Kristen though. From the start Kristen has been honest about her feelings. When she has been uncomfortable with a situation: a 
photo request during her personal time, a question asked by an interviewer, or the entire paparazzi experience, she has spoken up. If her high heels hurt she’s kicked them off and put on sneakers, fashion bloggers be damned. She has consistently demanded a private life that is separate from her work, during a time in her industry where the line has all but disappeared. With this honesty has come bullying. If you think of the entertainment industry is high school, what Kristen goes through is no different from what other girls are dealing with daily. Substitute teenagers for the magazines which blast Kristen with words like sullen, angry, never smiles, bitch, ungrateful, or different. Social media has become the cafeteria room for fans to create innuendo because they didn’t like interactions at an award show. Facebook and Twitter turned into modern day shaming tools of girls both famous and not. Scarlet letter comments awarded to teenage girls on dating, clothes, femininity, sexuality, the list nor the bullying doesn’t end.
Now some might say that Kristen doesn’t have to be an actress. If she is unhappy with the add-ons of fame, then she should just quit. There’s also an easy fix for the teenage girl who loves books so much she would would rather read at lunch than talk about the latest hookup; she should just stop reading because that will fix the name calling. But what would any of that really solve? Books are a part of her soul. Acting is a part of what makes Kristen get up everyday and breathe. Stopping either would make these girls less than whole. These experiences are so similar. Both are being told how to be who they are. Both are being told to just accept that there is a correct way to be a girl in 2011, and if you veer from that model even slightly, we will make your life difficult. Both are being told if YOU change, things will be easier.
But the truth is, there is no right way to grow into womanhood for these girls. Kristen is living her life but loudly teaching a masters class to a whole new group of ‘different’ girls.
Lesson 1: You don’t have to smile when you are told just because it makes the person looking at you feel better.
Lesson 2: Telling the truth about how you feel is never rude. Be true and don’t worry about how others believe you should feel.
Lesson 3: No person is all one thing. Strong. Fragile. Opinionated. Introspective. Head-strong. Heart-strong. On your best day you are all of those things.
Lesson 4: Like yourself. Respect yourself.
Lesson 5: Own your life. Stay strong in the face of people telling you what you need to be, because you either know who you are or you will find out on your journey.
Lesson 6: Be your age. You get one shot at being young. Make mistakes, own up to your errors, and keep learning.
This is not to say that Kristen is fully formed. She’s 20; in another world she would be a junior in college instead of the ‘linchpin’ of a major film franchise. Kristen still doesn’t accept compliments well. Her face visibly contorts from embarrassment when people she respects try to return the praise. That growth is another reason why she is important for young girls. I was not fully formed at 17 or 20. I’m closer now but still not there. It would have been helpful to see another young woman who liked who she was despite the noise around her saying she isn’t good enough. It would have been even more helpful for that same girl to admit she was growing and changing and didn’t have it all figured out at the ripe old age of 20.
Ideally girls would be encouraged to hang on to what makes them unique as they grow. The fingerprint of their soul valued instead of marginalized, but this is rarely the case. Amazingly cool playwright Eve Ensler, brilliantly quoted the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland and the property of “muchness” when trying to pin point the problem girls face. “There, they get born with this “muchness” or awakeness, this open hearted have to eat it, taste it, know it, defy it. Then the “grown-ups” come with their rules, their directions. They convince girls that they are too much – too intense, too emotional, too dramatic, too alive, too, too, too. They teach girls how to make themselves less so that everyone feels more comfortable. They get girls to obey and behave.”
Kristen Stewart is fighting a valiant fight to keep her “muchness” and in turn leading a call to arms for young girls to hold onto their own.
Wow what an amazing first blog post! Love it!!
*applause* I absolutely loved your post shopgrrl!!! You are spot on with your views on Kristen and what society and Hollywood want our young girls to become. Kristen defiantly broke the mold and has a uniqueness that is refreshing and was all but lost in Hollywood. I love her for many reasons… many of which you stated above. I wish Kristen continued success in both her professional and personal life. May she always stay true to herself. Such a great job on the post!!! What a wonderful edition to the RLC blog.
BEST. POST. EVER.
This. So much this. Thank you. You took the words right out of my mouth. This girl. This wonderful, beautiful woman… this is what the world needs more of. And I don’t care if you don’t think she’s a great actress (you’re wrong, but that’s beside the point), respect a woman who has the courage to be herself even when every other magazine and condescending asshat out there is trying to tell you to be someone different.
Thank you shopgrrl, and thank you Kristen.
Thank you for finding such thoughtful and true words to encapsulate the vibrant force of budding genuine womanhood that is Kristen Stewart.
Wow! That was an amazing first post!
I loved what you said about Kristen, I totally agree. I love that Kristen is who she is and isn’t ashamed of it. I know she has definitely helped me in how to ignore the people saying you have to “act” or “be” a certain way to fit in. I think shes a great role model for girls to be themselves and be happy about it. Im only a year older then her, and I really admire how she handles everything. AWESOME AWESOME blog post! 
Thank you so much for this brilliant, articulate, and genuinely moving piece of writing about a truly special and inspirational woman. You took the words right out of my head and heart.
That is very well articulated. I wish I could be that articulate when I talk about Kristen Stewart to people. My friends and co workers always look at me funny when i talk about how wonderful Kristen is and I adore her. I get Kristen. I love her integrity and honesty.
Amazing! So well written. Thank you.
Beautifully articulated! I am a 50-year old mom of a 20-year old son who is shy, incredibly handsome and often socially awkward. It’s not just a “girl thing”! I find myself pulling for Kristen the way I pull for my own son! I am a “fixer”. I want to solve all the problems and remove the hurts and struggles. But I realize that those are the things that grow us and make us who we are! (i’ so glad that I am not the person I was at 20…24…or even 30!) I’m a romantic and I catch myself pulling for Rob and Kristen to overcome the odds of a world I know nothing about. Two beautiful young people who have landed in a phenomenon called Twilight. Two people who want the thing we all want….happiness. And while I know neither will ever read this, just know that there are moms out here cheering you on, lifting you up and supporting your journey!
Bravo! You nailed it!
Very well said. I love it!
I love this..and all I can say ..SO THERE!!!..to all the people that dont get..understand and admire Kristen for the wonderful young lady she is…and this is coming from a mother of 2 boys..20 and 10 and a 12 yr old daughter..and if she grew up to be like Kristen I would be proud to tell the world.
Oh my god. do you know how great this is? This is so refreshing. We all read things telling us to be ourselves, but there is always somthing lurking in the words, telling us to be this or that. The next page is usually full of contradictions and steps on how to look good and god knows what else. This is free speaking and acurate. Its nice to hear someone to be too much of themselves and embrace it.
I know on a personal note, people are tearing at my hopes jsut now and I have set down the gauntlet and decided I should jsut get on with life and now I’m planning on doing exactly what I’m expected to do. Maybe this will be enough jsut to push me into that mark and pick up my wepon and fight on for what i really want. Thanks.
you just point out every reasons why i love and respect her, i wish Kristen will read this.
wow.these words are the truth.thank you for making this awesome post.i am so glad that i know such a strong woman like Kristen.she in a special way helps me to understand myself. she is really a great role model and your post is briliant.
I am a middle age woman and I am in love with this wonderful young lady. I don’t usually look up to teenagers but I do in her case. There is nothing wrong with learning from the younger generation. Just because I am much much older than her, it does not mean that I know everything or I stop learning. I love her personality and I think she is very unique. I don’t feel threatened by her because I have accepted my shortcoming a long time ago. In fact I am proud of her. If the young generation emulate her humility and strength, than I am happy to leave the world in a better hand. Bravo to all the woman/girl/lady who are not so caught up by the handsome man and manage to look past to the quiet girl standing to his side.
haters should read your awesome post..
Hey Shopggrl,
You are one hell of a beautiful writer, you yourself are most talented.
You have managed to capture the sole and essence of Kristen and I felt swept away and inspired when reading.
As someone who, loves, understands and total gets Miss Stewart for someone to articulate that onto the page was just WOW so thank you so much that was truly a pleasure to read and the best piece of writing I’ve seen on Kristen in, well I don’t know probably ever.
Big Hugs
Catxxx
What a brilliant post this is, u said what probably hundreds of other ppl especially young women have been wanting to say about Kristen for quite some time but they were either afraid to say it or didn’t know quite how to put it into words. Kristen is an amazing young woman and also an amazing young actress that is very hard to copy because she is such an individualist & someone likewise that doesn’t come along very often especially at such a young age. And to be totally honest it is very, very nice & refreshing that a young man like Rob loves her for all these reasons & doesn’t care at all about all the young hollywood glamour girls I think that he shows a great example to all the young men that going after someone just for their looks is not the most important thing but definately who she really is inside.
Your post is so beautiful. *tear*
I legit have glassy eyes right now! How right you are…Thank you! One of the best write-ups on Kristen that I’ve ever read to be honest. Spot on!
Great post.. Love what you said about Kristen, that’s exactly how I feel about her. but..
I am an equal fan of Kristen and Rob. I used to follow ‘Shopgrrl81′ and.. let’s just say she’s not a Rob fan that much.. I’ve never seen her bad mouth for Rob but have to say I would love to see her defend to Rob when her frends spending their all energy to criticize him in everyway..
*sigh* I love Kristen and Rob EqUALLY and I will always defend Kris and Rob EqUALLY, no matter what!
I’m nearing 16 and I can relate so much to Kristen, the fact that she supremely surpasses me in every aspect is beside the point. I can honestly say that’s she has shown the way to own what you own. I love her everyday for that.
And I meant nearing 17 not 16 oops!
Very well said and all the reasons I love Kristen too!
*standing ovation for shopgrrl* You nailed it in this article!!! You articulated everything many of us have been thinking about Kristen for years…. thanks for sharing!
*Standing Ovation* Wow, just … wow! What a fabulous first post, Shopgrrl! I am completely blown away!
Loved this. It is so true. Kristen is a very talented young woman who should be enjoying her youth with her deliciously handsome friend instead of having to deal with the cyber-bullies who degrade her for every action she takes. Thanks for putting the feelings of those of us who love Kristen and respect her choices into very eloquent words.
Great points all around, Shopgrrl, and your delivery is quite impeccable — keep up the good work!
Hmmm.. I don’t like the author that much (I just want R/K’s true fans to posting here) but I must say, that was a great post! I agree with every single word. That’s exactly how I feel about her. And I agree with all the other lovely comments about Kristen. I hope she always remains true to herself! She’s awesome.
Absolutely fabulous post! I knew I loved and respected Kristen, but reading your thoughts opened MY eyes to many of the reasons why I care so very much. My sincere thanks to you and all those who use their time and talents to be her advocate!
AMAZING!! I love Kristen. <3
Amazing post Shopgrrl. Way to freaking go
And welcome to the family!
What a fabulous first post!!! You really hit the nail on the head and summarized why I think, a lot of us love Kristen. Fantastic points and articulate defense of Kristen. I am looking forward to your next post so much. BRAVO!
Gorgeous!!! <3 <3 <3
Same reasons why I love Kristen. Im almost twice her age but only half as honest and brave. But im learning. I have to thank this girl for that.
BABY WHAT YOU DID WAS NON RELIGIOUS PREACHING….And I who was in the audience was screaming AMEN after every 5th sentence. I agree soooooo much it is ridiculous and have YouTube comment discussions with the unenlightened whom still feel the need to follow the mantra of: Kristen is different and that is wrong….Damn I really appreciate her Kristeness in the cookie cutter Hollywood.
AMAZING POST…REALLY!
Amazing first post! Great job!
I’m so in love with this post I wouldn’t even know where to start. Fabulous job, and thank you.
LOVE IT!!!! TY for such a wonderful post.
This is the best summary of why Kristen is so special that I have ever read. You nailed every point. And the ideas about women in society today…spot on. *bow* *bow*
This was a terrific piece of work. Both insightful and incisive. I bless my wife (Romantics, Twifans, Rob fans, Kristen fans, AND Robsten fans…the both of us) for alerting me to it.
Back when we first got into this fandom I was forcibly struck by the fact that Kristen was a paradigm breaker. She struck me as the nerdy tomboy who fell asleep one night, and woke up the next morning as the designated “hot chick” of a generation. (snorts) I think anyone else would have crashed and burned by now. Yet Kristen soldiers on, with aplomb.
Still, I think there are times when even the fans who adore her need to back the hell off and give her room to breathe…to say nothing of the cave-dwellers who actually express hatred of her.
Anyway, you rock, kiddo. Well done.
R.
You wrote an amazing post! Your analysis is so true. That’s exactly why I love Kristen, she’s unique and she doesn’t blend into a fake mold to please journalists, bloggers and other people who think they know better. In this way, she stands up for all the young women in the world.
Thank you for writing this!
<3
G.
Wow, what a great post. You really get her and why she means so much to so many of us. She’s standing up to the bullies (tabloids, online haters, jealous peers, etc) in her own way by being herself and not allowing them to dictate her life. It sounds like such a simple thing, but it really isn’t. She’s a very brave young woman.
Thank you so much!!
I LOVE KRISTEN STEWART and nice post*
Wow. Just wow. Amazing post. This is so exactly how I feel about her. I have this deep adoration for her. Because she is so perfectly IMPERFECT. She doesn’t have it all figured out – and neither do the rest of us. I’ve learned so much from her. So much about myself that I never realized before. And while I think the fact that she’s had this kind of impact on people would probably scare the crap outta her… I really wish that of all the junk on the internet about her – someone would show her something like this…
Kuddos for an awesome debut. =)
Brilliant
. Well done! I loved this line “no person is all one thing”. I can’t say how many times I have been asked to sum up myself or my husband but instead just end up saying how impossible it is to compartmentalise our interests or personalities…. we are not one thing! Love that you said that.
Great post! Welcome to the family…
@Pam, beautiful thoughts…what a great mom!
Kristen has been acting for a very long time and yes, she is just 20 years old! Great post!
Great post! Loved everything you said!
Very well said!
That is why I love Kristen Stewart. I am totally loving this post, reading this reminds me of a wise old granny telling all us girls/woman that, to own yourself. AMAZING POST, Shopgrrl!! Well said! totally nodding every sentence I read. Its all about being yourself … Amen to that!*applause*
BEAUTIFUL post, my girl. Congratulations on creating such a powerful response to the seemingly never-ending quest by haters to tear down someone who is this generation’s Smart Girl. THIS—>” Social media has become the cafeteria room for fans to create innuendo because they didn’t like interactions at an award show”<——Is perfection. I love The Lessons you outlined, especially No. 3. We are NOT all one idea. We are multi-faceted and multi-talented beings which only serves to enhance our grace and beauty, and as you know, what I call "OTHER". It's why Kristen is glorious. She is so very unique and yet very much so like you and I: Moving forward, fumbling, stumbling, learning and growing. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us. xo, KJ
If only Kristen could know, this is what we who admire her see when we look at her. She doesn’t need our approval, but she certainly deserves it.
WOW!!! That was a great post!!! It is o true, how society has demanded “so much” from woman, when in reality they are just BREAKING US ALL DOWN!!! How hard is it to just be a women in regular life!!! I know its pretty damm hard. Imagine having to live it LIVE infront of the whole WORLD to see!!! Its sad that as a society instead of prasing, and being happy for one another we shoot everyone down. If you are not this high, this loud, this happy, this sad, this energitic, this…this…this… then you are not going to make them happy. WHO cares about making “them” happy!!! Make YOU happy!!! YOU are the only person who will be able to obtain and encourage YOU to be happy, and only YOU can do that. NO ONE ELSE!!! YOU have to do what is RIGHT for YOU!!! I love, love, love, LOVE Kristen Stewart, and admaire how she is TRUE to herself, and will NOT let anyone PUSH her around and make her mold into what they think is “RIGHT”, she is going to do what is RIGHT for HER!!!! LOVE HER!!!!
Wonderful post Shopgrrl. You have captured the spirit and truth of Kristen and what she means to young (and not so young) women everywhere. She is a treasure.
Awesome post. You nailed it on the head. I love and respect her because she is determined to be herself. Congrats on your first post!
This was an amazing, intelligent post that says many of the things I think about Kristen that I could never write in such an eloquent fashion.
Brilliant post!!!~~ Agree with one of the commentators above that we can always learn something from our younger generation. I can relay to Kristen in many ways. Being honest and sticking to your true self requires much courage, especially when everyone expects you to follow the rules. I remember I had some really hard time in secondary school (and even in College sometimes) for just voicing out my opinions and I was called a bitch, moody, harsh, etc. I don’t understand why we can’t speak out our true feelings and be a honest human being. I’m a working woman now and I have to hide some of my feelings and wear fake smiles all day. I kinda miss the old days while I still can express my thoughts freely. So I think Kristen is very brave and fierce. What Kristen faces must be millions times more difficult than that of a nonentity like me. That’s why she earns my sincere respect.
Much love to you and your amazing blog post! These are the reasons I love kristen. Since I have become a fan of hers I have realized how fake and fabricated hollywood is…
Not much more to say that hasn’t already been said. Your words come very close to summing up how I feel about Kristen. I can only hope she will see this and know that her true fans appreciate her for who she is, not who ‘her fans’ want her to be. You know, the three fans that pose as thirty. Trufax. They’re just louder and suffering from associative identity disorder. #NotAsManyNonstensAsTheyWantYouToThink #IKnowWhatYouDid
Brilliant!